SCAR Wilde was certainly right when he said: "There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about and that is not being talked about." Come to think of it, contemporary society is gravely infested with gossips of all sorts. In the ample world of gossips, everybody has the rare opportunity of assuming importance. The rich, the poor, even the destitute gets a mention. It is a liberal platform and a market place for personal examination in one's absence. Relationships are haphazardly scrutinised in the course of protracted gossips.
In a contest between the male and the female on who derives optimal pleasure from gossiping, the weaker sex should have the pride of place. The fair sex is the easy winner. But, women gossip the way they flirt, breezily, never on the serious side. For the men, the story is different. Calumny. That is their stock in trade. While the fair sex dissect their victims with their loquacious lips, the so-called stronger sex emasculate with tongues soaked in acid. Their unfortunate victims are severely dented. Rochbrune once claimed that it is easier for a woman to defend her virtue against men than her reputation against women. Obviously, women are women's greatest enemies. So also are men among themselves. In terms of volume, women excel in the field of social gossips. As to depth and sadism, men take the upper hand.
Nothing provides exuberant satisfaction than sitting in judgement over another person in his or her absence. There are no witnesses, devil's advocates or defence counsel. You are the prosecutor and the judge. Natural justice is entirely out of the question. A ready audience is available and too willing to indulge you as you accuse, allege, criticise and unilaterally sentence the absent defendant. Gossip is the court of justice where the plaintiff wins all the time. The law of equity which allows the accused to put up a defence is jettisoned willy nilly. Remember the old wives' counsel, 'Hear much, speak little'. That which is repeated too often becomes insipid and tedious. Speech is silvern. Silence is golden. Let no one speak ill of the absent". Village folks admonish that any tale beyond three market weeks becomes stale. These platitudes are obsolete in the realm of adept gossipers. The grape vine does not admit of any time frame for the spread of gossips as long as there are ready listeners. New breed politicians say that gossips boost the culture of democracy. Without the grapevine, there will be no impeachments and commissions of enquiry.
Why blame gossips anyway? They expose corruption sooner than later. They detect and announce deceit and hypocrisy as a matter of course. Adultery is proclaimed however it is hidden at the inner chambers. Unfaithful consorts have nowhere to hide. The escapades of the husband are matched with the secret flirtations of the wily madam. Extraneous infatuations cannot survive under the searchlight of virulent gossips. By the time permissive couples arrive at the divorce court, all their subtle manoeuvres are broadcast in bright daylight for better for worse.
Crooks often think that they are clever until gossips catch up with them. Who would have discovered thieving state governors and other politicians if gossips did not probe into their duplicity and hanky-panky? Political certificate forgers dread the affliction of the grapevine. Even in the scope of office politics, gossips separate the wheat from the chaff. Opposing office camps demolish one another through the weapon of strategic gossips delivered at calculated targets. It is the survival of the fastest and the most cunning. Office politics have their casualties, the vanquished apart from the victors. There is no certified armour against the peril of the grapevine.
Scandals feature prominently in the planet of gossips. When governors get involved in money laundering, international gossips spread their dragnet globally to arrest them. Their mansions and properties in Europe and the United States of America are televised and widely published in the press. Beware of gossip columns of the yellow media. They go beyond failed romances to display leaders who steal by various devices. As Fela would rant: "They thief and clean mouth". Gossip columns relay those leaders who spend scarce foreign exchange on cosmetic surgery. What an irony that while embattled citizenry starve and suffer the pangs of poverty, a select bevy of privileged ladies pay to reduce fats in excess or their body needs. Gossips have multiplier effect and that is why ours spread like wildfire however we try to cover them. Those who by hook or crook seek to extend their terms beyond the prescriptions of the constitution cannot escape the eagle eyes of gossip mongers. The grapevine frowns at the exulted ambition of greedy leaders.
Baltar Gracian opined: "Words are feminine, deeds are masculine." The naked reality is that both sexes have become addicted to the vocation of gossip. It is no longer a mere hobby in these treacherous era. Since Eve talked Adam out of the Garden of Aden, humanity has been turned into an endangered species. Governments have in their diplomacy introduced the panacea of freedom of speech. This is a charter to propel the effectiveness of the grapevine and foster the circulation of gossips. Military regimes that wished to curb the freedom of expressions never succeeded. They only drove speech underground and let loose an avalanche of furious gossips that mobilised the emergence of radical rebels. Revolutions usually start from the revelations of vicious gossips.
Whoever fears gossips must cleanse his or her augean stables. Only a cynic believes the insinuation that gossips cut innocent throats by whispers? Majority of the victims of the grapevine are neither honest nor innocent. Burke may have his reasons in the assertion: "A very great part of the mischiefs that vex this world arises from words". The statement might have resulted from his unstable circumstances. Why all the uneasy fuss about the danger of gossips in modern society? The grapevine is a pragmatic ombudsman that checks human faults of sorts -frauds, kleptomania, adultery and what have you. We cannot cage the power of gossips by empty moral precepts. The time has actually arrived for leadership by examples not barren sermons.
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